Thursday, August 5, 2010

Things I Am Learning #4

There's a lady we sometimes meet on our walks who always asks my humans the same question. 

"Are you Buddhists?" she asks, "your dogs are so calm."

None of us are too sure how the thoughts are connected. But one thing is certain.

She's never seen me in a car.

My humans say they will always remember when they first brought me home. I was so bad in the car, they had to stop at a gas station to re-tie me down. They even had a quick chat about giving me up. Perhaps they'd made a mistake?

But the thought of handing me back to my foster mum 15 minutes after signing the papers was too much for them. So they soldiered on.

Of course, it's a good thing they did, because I turned out to be very entertaining and am now The Light Of Their Life.

My stay-at-home human would like to present these videos as Evidence Of My Bad Behaviour. She has too many of them.

PLAY this if you want to hear the man scream.

PLAY this if you want to hear the woman scream.
It's OK. I scream in both of them.

Please don't ask me why I'm like that in cars. If I knew, it wouldn't be A Thing I Am Learning.

I don't get car-sick. And I'm not scared or anything girly like that.
Maybe it was some t.r.a.u.m.a I had when I was little, whatever that means.
My humans have asked some people smarter than them, and they don't know why either. They all seem to have very relaxed dogs.
Mr Thumper is one of those very relaxed dogs.

Our once handsome car is now badly scratched, covered with drool and fur, smells awful, and is missing a seatbelt.

Worst of all, there's a hideous green-checked thing that covers the beautiful leather seats. 10 years ago, it was a curtain hanging in the spare guest room. Nothing gets wasted in this house.
I admit I ate the harness, seatbelt and barrier, but I fail to see how I can be held responsible for the fur, smell and drool which are entirely Mr Thumper's fault.

My stay-at-home human [being the sensible one] has been trying to persuade my out-at-work human to put in a metal barrier. 

"But she loves sticking her head out of the car!" he protests passionately on my behalf. "Look at her. She's so happy!"
"One day, a passing truck is going to take her head off, " my stay-at-home human always retorts ominously.

She fervently hopes he will give these 2 articles a read...

 ...and do something soon because she's very embarrassed by all the screaming [coming from her] as we drive down Darling Street.
I'm sure the SPCA* would like to know about this crop. It makes A Nasty Loud Noise and I don't like it. Anyway, should they really be smacking the poor car like that?
After reading the articles, my stay-at-home human decided she might try The Calming Cap. She thinks it's a logical choice because I'm always calm when I'm under my blankie.

This picture was taken from Part 2.

She's not sure if she'll find one here. But, being frugal, she's likely to recycle one of her old bandannas rather than buy a proper one anyway.

I can picture it already.

Me, a ferocious pig dog,
                wearing A Recycled Bandanna/Calming Cap,

clambering blindly over A Green-Checked Curtain/Seatcover,
                 trying to fend off 2 Angry Screaming Humans waving A Crop,

just before a passing truck takes my head off

                   because I couldn't see it coming with the Bandanna/Calming Cap on.
And my humans wonder why I scream every time I get in the car.
My humans dream that I will one day be able to relax like this without the help of drugs.


p.s. Last Sunday, I graduated to Second Class after just 2 lessons.
I'm not sure if that's normal, but I'm feeling quite pleased with myself.

My humans' heads are looking pretty puffed up too.

As a reward, I got some new ribbons for my collar. I'm grateful for that because the old ones were looking skanky. My stay-at-home human can be so stingy.

She asked Senhor do Bonfim da Bahia to keep me 1.healthy 2. happy and 3. calm and good.
I hope she's not trying to trick Senhor Bonfim into giving her 4 wishes because that would be very naughty.


Oh dear.

*Society for the Prevention of Cruelty to Automobiles


steve said...

edited from a very long email -

I was pleased to see that you are still enjoying the social aspects of taking Georgia to canine college. Will Georgia now go on to Uni or will she take a gap year off, to go back-packing through Europe, running with the bulldogs in Spain etc.

I'm in agreement that dogs (especially big ones) need to be secured in cars. If your car gets hit, or if you hit something, the dog gets catapulted & cannoned around the car and the dog could be badly injured (the humans too). So I say, buckle up them pooches. You can get dog seat belts (you could try making one out of CK's old undies - but this could act as a sling-shot), that would allow a certain amount of head out the window doggy hedonism.

Regarding the calming 'Dog Blindfold' featured in your latest dog-bog-blog. Once again CK's old undies could do the trick, but the calming might be terminal. Also the 'Dog Blindfold' makes it look like the dog doesn't trust your driving. A 'Dog Blindfold' should only be worn, if the dog has been a really bad dog, is smoking a cigarette & is facing a firing-squad.


Continue to stay happy, well & warm, best regards STeve

georgia little pea said...

dear uncle steve,

you've been puffing something bad, haven't you? we are all worried. please call your head doctor soon.

big hug, your georgia xox

p.s. spain would be lovely. i like tapas a lot. my humans would like to know if the airticket will be in the mail soon? i will probably need at least 1 chaperone.

Anonymous said...

Very entertaining you guys !
Love Tara xox