Monday, March 26, 2012

Monkey mind.

I've been feeling a sense of dread lately.

It's hard to describe. Mostly, it expresses itself in tears.

Being Cancerian, I've lived a moody life. Being menopausal, my mind has gotten even more capricious and swings from happy to sad and gungho to nervous in 2 blinks of a stitched-up eyelid. I have some idea of why I've been feeling particularly down lately but am not ready to share it.

One day last week, while walking through Hyde Park on the way to exercise class, I started fantasizing about moving to Somewhere Else. It wasn't a new thought but, at that moment, it was unexpected. The Other Half and I have been talking about it on and off for years, more and more lately, as many people getting old do.

In this particular fantasy, The Other Half and Georgia and I were on the road.

I imagined us living in Bali, New Zealand, India, Morocco and Brazil, hopping from Place to Place, living as 3 fortunate beings with no ties, obligations or dependants might do.

Then, one day, in SomePlace, it was time to get down on the floor, give Georgia a big cuddle and kiss, say goodbye and send her off on Her Last And Most Excellent Adventure, before continuing on our own.  

It was clear as anything in my mind's eye.

I don't know how I managed to imagine all that in my short 10 minute walk along Elizabeth Street, through Hyde Park, and past the Anzac mausoleum. I suppose it was like those flashes of your life that you're supposed to get when you die.

By the time I got to exercise class, I was sucking in snot, surreptitiously dabbing wet eyes with my knuckles and pretending I had a cold.


Today is Georgia's birthday, that we celebrate on the day we got her.

She's been with us 3 years now and is almost 4. Soon, when people ask if she's an old dog (she gets that a lot because of her white muzzle), I won't be able to feign indignation. It was around this age that Rufus hurt his leg and started to go downhill.

As a biggish dog, I don't expect Georgia will live to be 15 unless we're terribly lucky. As part Dane, whose average lifespan, I'm told, is 7, I'm hoping she'll make it to 10 in good health.

I don't mean to be sad today and am writing this just to get it off my chest.

The Other Half has bought Georgia a lovely big lamb bone. She won't be getting a birthday cake because I can't (be bothered to) bake but I don't think she'll miss it. I'll give her some peanut butter and bloodwood honey on a bikkie and a few pieces of white nectarine instead. She'll get a butt squeeze, 2 good walks [weather permitting] and she'll be a very happy dog.

Today, I'm going to try not to do any more useless panicking and work instead, on stilling my monkey mind.

 HaPpy *3 yEars *
and* 8 month 
You're a good girl
and we love you lots x


Im Joy said...

Oh dear.. monkey minds seem to be quite en vogue at the moment.. my mind seems to be working in exactly the same way as you describe.. something in the air? But, well, happy birthday Miss Georgia! Three years you have been in our lives? Goodness, where does the time go? xx

rottrover said...

Happy Gotcha Day, Georgia. Maybe your mum should download the silly app that our's did last week. It keeps her laughing...come see our blog.

-Bart and Ruby

Jan said...

I think we all have those fantasies about getting away from the boringly familiar and discovering new adventurous places.

It sort of explains why pampered, perfectly happy dogs want to see what is beyond the house beyond the next house.

What Remains Now said...

Oh, boy! Does it help that others understand. For myself, I'm grateful that I don't suffer from moody, mean's more melancholy. If the light is slanting a certain way, I can call up incredible memories and feelings and soon, the tears. As goofy as it sounds, I'm just trying to relax into this "stage" of happy and let myself feel my way through some of the crazy monkey mind (I love that description!) I do try to do it in private though...just too hard to explain. Amazing what re-adjusting hormones will do to a body (ha).

Pamela said...

Whether it's hormones or sad thoughts or a sign you need to change something, I hope you're being kind to yourself while you're feeling low. And I hope you recover some joy soon.

Lucky Georgia to be loved so much.

Jean said...

Happy Gotcha Day, Ms. Georgia!!! Enjoy your lamb bone and special bikkies. And tell your Typist that you aren't even middle-aged yet, so she can just stop thinking about you getting old. You're just a spring chicken (um.....a young pup...) compared to certain dogs I know.

Typist, I think on your imaginary journeys you need to include Canada, where it is spring and the sun is shining - perhaps that will help cheer you up and get the monkey off your mind. I was in a funk all winter, but it has lifted at last.

Hmmm....handy to know about Cancerian moodiness. My daughter is also a Cancer. Now I can stop trying to analyze her behaviour. She's just moody. It's in the stars. (I'm a Virgo...need I say more?)

Anonymous said...

Happy Birthday to Georgia, and I hope you brain quiets down soon. (I hate that)

Peggy Frezon said...

Happy Birthday to Georgia! Sounds like your plans are awesome. I understand where you're at (menopausal and all!) my mind tends to imagine all sorts of scenarios, I think that comes from having creative minds.

Leslie said...

Oh dear, I'm sorry you're feeling all verklempt. I go through that myself often enough. Sometimes I think we just need a good cry to clean our souls out. (I'm not sure whether or not to be sorry for my part in helping you do that today... :]

I am most sorry for your vivid dream of saying goodbye to Georgia. I went through the same with Beau, and, truth be told, with my father, although it seems early to be doing such for GSP - she's still awfully young.

Happy Gotcha Day, Georgia! Go snuggle with your typist a bit - seems she could use a good hug. And while we're sending her one from "across the big pond", I think it's yours she really needs when all is said and done.

Thinking of you...

Anny said...

Happy happy Gotcha Day dear Georgia... we love you!!

so sorry to hear about your momma's "monkey minds" period. It happens.. even to my silly cow.. on many days. We know we have been away for very long.. but we'll be back soon.

Each day as it comes... don't get yourself too far ahead and worry too much. We will be with you all the way.

hope there's some super dooper nommies for the Good Girl and no butt squeeze.. hehehehe


georgia little pea said...

dear everyone -

thank you :) i'm having a good birthday! i didn't get a bath!

don't worry about The Typist. she's getting lots of sleep and will soon be over feeling sorry for herself. it's probably the flu bug making her phooey. i got my butt squeeze already and my peanut butter bikkies! i got my big bone too. it was so big, I ate it for brekkie AND lunch! when My Cushion comes home, my day'll be perfect!

hooroo mwah mwah! xox

verobirdie said...

I think the times are propice for sad feelings, no matter how old you are. Besides, you are entering winter, and less daylight makes humans sad, no matter what.
You fantasy says you need a change, and that you love Georgia very much. Keep enjoying her, and the nice part of your fantasy.
Give her some snuggles on my behalf, and give yourselg a big hug from me

Rose from Oz is Back! said...

Aw, with the menopausal thing you have. to. carry. tissues. all. the. time. The brain and emotions go in overdrive......sorry to hear there's a bit more going on. We're all here for you Typ. We blogging girls are a pretty special breed I'm discovering.
Georgia, so happy you've had a great birthday you great, big, whiskery sweetie! xxx

Anonymous said...

happy birthday Georgia, and I hope your butt squeeze was enjoyable.

I totally get that story - the snot running.. etc.

Have you tried the yam cream thing? it saved me - AND it's anti anxiety... rub it on.


Patrice and Higgins said...

At times, my mom can put her mind into overdrive, and it ain't pretty!!

Happy Birthday Georgia!


Kirsten (peacefuldog) said...

Happy Birthday Georgia, something tells me you're going to be around on this plane for a while. I have those days too, and I usually try to just breathe in auspicious radiance from the universe. Sometimes I forget that's an option though :) Big hugs and warm wags--

Anonymous said...

Dear Typist,

I completely understand monkey mind. I call it the hounds of hell nipping (or chewing) at my heels.
And a very big Happy Birthday to GLP from me and Petey here in NYC!

Elizabeth said...

So sorry about feeling so dready. :( And sorry if you caught the flu...I have NEW appreciation for how crappy that can make a person feel. Anyway, I hope you get rested and well and very much less dready soon.

Happy belated birthday to Miss Georgia! I know she enjoyed it, as she does all her days in your care.

P.S. If it makes you feel any better, for someone who's reached the change of life, you have the most youthful looking skin (from the appendages you've shared) that I have ever seen.

Friko said...

Oh dear, you're never killing her off in your mind already? She's a mere pup. Benno is eleven and a bit and REALLY old.

Hope your mind lifts, things are never as bad as we see them in our dark moments. Just take your gorgeous beast out or give her a big cuddle. That'll do the trick.

georgia little pea said...

Thanks everyone for all your good wishes. I think the pup had a good day followed. Y a night of bad tummy. An overly large lamb bone was the likely culprit.

Grrl - yam cream!? I'll have to email you.

Elizabeth - I DO have somewhat good skin for my age, inherited from my mother. Plus organic virgin coconut oil or butter after every shower ;) if it wasn't for my liver and sunspots, you'd think I was 30 lol.

Friko - "killing her off" ...yes I'm afraid so. I wonder what life after will be like quite often. Nothing like being prepared.

georgia little pea said...

Olivia and Petey - I'm so glad to hear from you again! I wanted to email you after we got back from Brazil to thank you for checking in while we were away. But I'm not sure that I did because I couldn't find your contact. I've just clicked on your URL here but it doesn't give me one either :(

I hope you get to read this reply. If you do, please email me! Or, if you have a blog (now), could you give me the link? THANKS! So good to hear from you. Hope you're both well :) x

houndstooth said...

Happiest of Birthdays, Miss Georgia Little Pea! May you enjoy it tremendously!


For The Typist,

I understand your feelings. If I remember correctly, I think I might understand why you're feeling so down. Some times are tougher than others. It's hard to see our canine companions start to age. Bunny's got a very white muzzle, too. She's still young, but it hurts my heart a little to imagine her aging. I think about all we went through with Lilac and sometimes think I'm not tough enough to go through that again, but I can because I love them and to not would be a betrayal in my mind. In any event, you certainly aren't alone! I think we all get overwhelmed by the 'what ifs' of the future sometimes. It just means that you have a big heart!

Tootsie said...

Ah, Georgia and the Typist and the Other Half:

We have been tired and absent and too busy (please forgive) but so thrilled to visit today, so we can wish you a very happy happy birthday to all of you! (Mom is making me type "we" but, really, it is "her.)

I'm sending wags for you and those moods that come and go like the tide.


Karen Friesecke said...

I've been feeling unusually moody, too. Maybe it's the weather, I don't know. We all feel like going on some new adventure from time to time.

Happy Birthday to Miss GLP!!

hero said...

Happy Belated Gotcha Day to sweet Georgia!... and to The Typist, hope you're in a much brighter mood now :)

This little blog has come a long way... do keep it up.

Licks, hero

sagechronicles said...

Having moved a lot during my lifetime, I decided this is the last one (or is it?). But, I can relate get that wanderlust every now and again.

Happy Gotcha Day, GLP. May you have many, many more!!

Kristine said...

A very Happy Birthday to Little Miss Georgia Little Pea! I am sure sure enjoyed her peanut butter and lamb bone treats and didn't think for one second about cake.

I always get a bit pensive around birthdays, though usually just my own. I think it's perfectly natural. We often get remarks about our dog being older as well, because most of her fur is naturally grey. Of course, when she jumps in the air to grab at a treat in their hands, they quickly change their minds. Shiva will also be four at her next birthday, whenever that is.

I hope you feel a little more hopeful soon.

chandra said...

Dear Typist,
I hope writing about the dread helped ease it a bit. I call it heaviness and it's one of the reasons I have to live where I can see blue sky often. I can get myself very down and if bright is above me, it helps.

This time last year the thoughts of endings were constant for you as you and the other half cared for Mr. Thumper.

Just this morning I was packing up for a trip, which for whatever reason made me think about how much I miss Daley. Which made me think about Mason and how someday my husband and I will have to say goodbye to him. He's almost four and he's a little dog so if we're lucky ... well all we can do is hope. And enjoy the time we know we have, which is now.

I hope that GLP had a splendid birthday. And I think you may have something there with your adventurous thoughts about hitting the road!

Hugs, hugs, hugs,
-c at ddy.

georgia little pea said...

Chandra - I believe you're right - timing and the lack of bright might have something to do with it. It's terrible how one thought leads to another so quickly isn't it? Good thing you're living in a sunny state now. Big hugs back x

Molly's Mummy said...

If its any consolation to you my beloved Great Dane lived to almost 13 and it was cancer that got him in the end. He also had a bad start as I rescued him when he was already an adult. I love your blog, I'm from Ireland and I live in California. I love Georgia and Rufus was around when I started reading. You make my day when you post!

georgia little pea said...

Dear Molly's Mummy,

Thank you. that IS a comfort. I shouldn't put so much store in statistics.

And thanks for reading, for such a long time too. I'm glad you decided to say hi today. You just made MY day :) x

sonia a. mascaro said...

Happy Birthday dear Georgia!
You are very lucky because Mom and Dad love you so very much!
Sending to you many hugs and kisses.
From your Brazilian friend, Sonia.

Pup Fan said...

Happy birthday, lovely Georgia!

I totally understand about feeling down - sometimes it's hard to keep the doldrums at bay, and sometimes a good cry is absolutely necessary. I hope you're treating yourself and cutting yourself some slack while you feel this way. ((hugs))

pippadog said...

Belated barkday greetings Sweetest One.

Although not that late for me. My predecessors were teenies of varying types (teens as in years not tiny whinies). I wouldn't worry.

Tell your typist to get her own blog :)

Pippa x

georgia little pea said...

Dear Pippa,

That would not be a good idea. My Typist can hardly keep up with mine. Unlike your Misery, who has five (5) blogs and manages to post so regularly for you. BWAH HAHA! April 1 joke ;)

roughseasinthemed said...

Hey!! I need different blogs for different things.

I would post more often on Pippa's if I had something stunning to say/bark. Or maybe I have got used to writing on mine these days. Although I don't agree with the concept, I do think we all tend to write for our audiences.

Pippa used to have a lot of pals when he was on Blogger who all seem to have fallen off the end. It is hard work finding nice pals again when I seem to be able to acquire them easily on my own blogs :(

His blog was always more popular than any of mine, although the Land Rover one quickly became the most visited, oh wait, I think I can make this into one of MY blog posts !! :)

Pippa's Person

georgia little pea said...

How insidious Misery! I know what you mean though. Hard to keep writing ad nauseum about a dog sleeping, chucking up and running around. I think my audience might be quite confused these days lol.