Monday, June 25, 2012

A short story [about passing gas].

Thank you to The Queen of Bermtopia for my delightful new title.


*


Georgia's been farting since shortly after dinner yesterday evening. 


I admit, I was very thankful when she decided to sleep downstairs in the lounge room last night. But the smell was so bad [a gross understatement], it drifted upstairs. Even separated by a staircase, it was gag worthy. 


It was precisely 12.03 by the bedside clock when the smell woke me up.


Then [very sadly], at around 1, our dog decided to join us in the bedroom. She came to politely ask me to put on her jammie, then plonked herself on her bed at the foot of ours and was snoring in under 5 minutes. I didn't have the heart to chase her back downstairs, not that it would have made any difference I suppose. 


Shortly after, a frightful wall of smell hit me. Even The Other Half woke up. [To give you an idea of how remarkable this is, we're talking about a man who once turned over and fell back to sleep when I told him there was a burglar outside our bedroom window.] 


We had to open the windows and turn on the fan. This would be okay except it's winter and 7 degrees outside.


*


I've finally given up trying to sleep in a cold smelly bedroom and am now hiding downstairs in the study. I've opened more windows to air the house, and lit an incense stick [which doesn't seem to be making a dent in the air quality]. I have a feeling today is a goner. Might as well go make some coffee.


Thanks Georgia, for an unforgettable birthday present.







45 comments:

William the Lurcher said...

My mum says, was lighting an incense stick a wise move...considering explosions that is! but since we haven't heard anything on our world news we are guessing all is well. Suppose the blue tabs are causing gas...hope all settles down to a gentle whiff soon.

Greyhounds CAN Sit said...

Lol at William's comment:) Happy Birthday, Typist! Hope your day improves, it could be worse, could be 0 degrees outside. Hope GLPS smells calm down sooner rather than later.

georgia little pea said...

Gosh William! Thank goodness we didn't all explode. That would have made such a mess. The blue pills? Really? The Typist has been blaming My Cushion who [ignored strict instructions and surreptitiously] gave me a lamb ear a couple days ago.

Sue - thank you :) I think I'll probably be sleeping it away.

bermtopia said...

Georgia! Ladies don't fart, they pass gas! Nevertheless, it was very kind of you to think of a birthday gift that keeps on giving. And giving. And giving.

Please give The Typist my most sincere natal day salutations.

Regards,

Ben in Bermtopia

3 doxies said...

Ahhhhh...good to knows ya'll didn't goes KAAAABOOOOM cuz dat would has really sucked. But since ya'll is all safe I has to admit I was laughin' my butt off readin dis.
I am thinkin' it might be a isde effect of her meds or maybe her is stealin' cabbage. I stole some cabbage onetime and it REALLY gave me da farts.
Well, HAPPY BIRFDAY TYPIST!!!!! Maybe tomorrow will be a better day if you don't freeze to death...dat would not be good.

Puddles

What Remains Now said...

This is an epic description of epic gas. Our 3 sleep in our room. I'm usually the last to bed and I HATE it when I walk in to a fart-infused room. Guess I should go in first if it bugs me. Fortunately, it doesn't happen too often, so I forget in between times.

H and Flo said...

Oh you poor thing Typist! I have no answers. Maybe a peg for your nose or a cork for GLP's bum? Though now I'm imagining the sound of a champagne cork exploding at 2am probably wouldn't help in the sleep department either! Flo's been a little on the ripe side since I gave her some lamb's liver the other night... all my guests (including my very polite and proper mother) have felt it their duty to tell me how much my dog stinks. :) Maybe this is the revenge of the lambs?

I hope your birthday improves... maybe someone will give you some scented candles! Have a lovely day. xx

Berts Blog said...

How thoughtful of you Georgia to give such and aromatic birthday gift to your typist.

I bet that will teach her to watch what you eat.

georgia little pea said...

Queen of B - as you must know by now, we're not a polite family.

Pudds - you are the 2nd dog to mention meds. Could this really be true? I have duly left a[nother hysterical] message for Dr Dog. Georgia's never had cabbage but she IS having a brocolli, silverbeet and bean mix at the mo. She's had it heaps of times before though, without being windy ;p

Lori - 3 dogs! Gasp.

Fab - thanks for the tip. No lamb liver. Ever.

Bert - of course you would think a stinky thing is a thoughtful gift lol.

Extra Note:
Being a flatulent family [there! I said it!], we are quite used to farts. But THESE ARE NO ORDINARY ONES. IT ACTUALLY SMELLS LIKE A PIG FARM!

Thanks for all your birthday wishes :) X

Patrice and Higgins said...

What a great Birthday pressie Georgia!! Teehee!! I will have to remember to fart for Dad on his Birthday!!

~Higgins

June said...

Georgia did not MAKE you a pomander for your birthday gift; she BECAME a pomander.
You HAVE to LIKE it: you're the DOG MOM!

Ann Oon said...

beans are usually windy... hehehehe.. what a wonderful idea of a present for good ole mummy... smart girl GLP!

Happy Birthday dear Cow :D hope you'll have a great one today.

meanwhile... u better go check on the Cushion... he might have fainted in the room.. hahhahahahaha

georgia little pea said...

Higs - I'm sure he'll appreciate it.

June - more like a stink bomb!

Anny - naw, he survived it. Amazingly tough guy. Thanks for the birthday wishes :)

bermtopia said...

One other thought in terms of passing gas and being A Lady. Take no blame.

Practice The Lady's Sidelong, Faintly Disapproving Glance as if you are positive of the origin of said stinky-ness. In In this case, it sounds glances should be directed toward The Cushion.

Regards,

Ben in Bermtopia

georgia little pea said...

Dear Mr Ben, I know that move! The Typist does it all the time. Isn't she sneaky?

Karen Friesecke said...

I can only imagine (or not) how bad GLP's aromas were, that it actually woke you up from a sleep!!! Miss GLP is silent but deadly :o

verobirdie said...

Joyeux Anniversaire!
The best part of the story, in my point of view, is Georgia asking politely for her pijies in the middle of the night !

georgia little pea said...

Karen - these latest farts are indeed silent and lethal. If only we had some audible warning, we could run away first. I'm pretty sensitive to smells, even while sleeping. I read somewhere that smoke alarms are important because you can't smell while you're sleeping. I wonder if that makes me an oddity!

Vero - she was very polite. She stood beside the bed, put her head on it and stared at me until I dragged myself out of my cocoon (very hard to do in the cold).

rottrover said...

Happy birthday Typist! Bart is taking some meds and is having epic gas which he usually doesn't. Ruby, on the other hand farts when she changes position!

Rose from Oz is Back! said...

G'day Typist - you sneaked thata one in!! :)) HAPPY BIRTHDAY sorry, how many years is that??? I'm suuurrre you mentioned at some point ;) Now we all know, that a house is not a home until dog-farties permeate the air.......silent, lethal or otherwise!
xx

georgia little pea said...

Rottrover - I am now convinced its the meds! Can't wait to hear what the vet says tomorrow ;)

Rose - I can't say girl. This is like, a public blog and People I Know may be lurking arf arf. Older than you?

Rose from Oz is Back! said...

Aha, me not slow - I get it ;)

Ann Oon said...

we r outta gas... and waiting for the gas man to come... meantime.. mind to spare us some gas?

hope GLP is on the mend :)

Declan said...

Happy Birthday (I guess...) Typist. But look on the bright side. I'm assuming that amidst the chaos you did remember to take photos for the Tuneful Farting Event, right?! Hehe! Deccy x

Tootsie said...

Happy, happy, gassy, gassy birthday TYPIST!

Keep on wagging, and my mom says always remember those hippie frocks from way back when. The breeze under them helps dissipate gassy emissions.

Love,
Tootsie

jodistone said...

Happy Birthday to the typist, I hope the day progresses better than it started!

My dogs have gas from the garlic tablets I give them, but not to that extent! I hope Georgia digests whatever is dying in there and passes it soon.

Poor baby.

Jan said...

Why is it humans don't appreciate the aromatic offerings coming from the bowels of dogs?

Peggy Frezon said...

Happy Birthday!!!

That is a stinky problem. When Brooks came to us he had this problem awful. Made me wonder what we just adopted. We changed his dog food and that pretty much took care of that. Hopefully this is an isolated incident for the ordinarily sweet Georgia.

sagechronicles said...

Ewwwww, GLP. I bet you won't be getting any more lamb ears. Mom always told Toby (who also had a stinky butt) to aim it the other way. Didn't happen.....

Kristine said...

Happy birthday! LOL. Life with dogs, eh? It makes me wonder what she ate to get so stinky? Maybe she nibbled a little while baking your birthday cake?

I hope you have a great day and can open all the windows! ;-)

Roxy the traveling dog said...

Ooooo, that's bad. Hope things....um....pass.

Kirsten (peacefuldog) said...

Hey is it your birthday? Happy birthday! I hope you get something good-smelling.

I thought dogs were supposed to have those short, efficient digestive systems--so why are dog farts so bloody pungent?

We are a flatulent family too. I usually blame it on the budgies.

georgia little pea said...

I am stunned at how many of you have farty dogs! Surely some pet/pharmaceutical company would make a lot of money creating a product that help ease doggy gas? I take charcoal pills for MY bloat! :)

Very funny Rox! and Kirsten, I have to ask... budgie as in smugglers?

Tootsie said...

Dear Ms. Georgia,

I think you are an exquisite hound and a magnificent being!

Honest.

Who also passes gas. :) I do, too!

Love,
Tootsie

georgia little pea said...

Awww Toots :) X

Pamela said...

Evidently Georgia cares enough to give you her very best--on your birthday. Don't you wish she were just a bit less, er talented.

BTW, in the American South, ladies don't fart. They fluff.

Hope you had a lovely birthday, interesting smells and all.

Hound Girl said...

LOL Love it!! Fred use to have horrible gas. Ive been there - once I think he even was disgusted at the smell coming out his bottom lol.

Happy Birthday!!

Friko said...

Poor Georgia, you have been in the wars. I just saw that 'they' put an Elizabethan collar on you! How could 'they'. (I won't even honour them with their titles).

And what's a little smell between friends, I'd like to ask.

STELLA and RORY from Down Under said...

Howdy Georgia, we dropped over to say hi. We love hearing about farting cause it's so much fun. Happy Birthday to your Typist too. What a thoughtful gift you gave her, something to remember for a long time! See ya soon. No worries, and love, Stella and Rory

chandra said...

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TYPIST! I think GLP is trying to tell you that it's time to depart the house for another holiday.

A. Lamb. Ear. ?!!!

Oh, I feel faint.

Mason recently ate a duck neck and I almost passed out. That was with me being about 1000 miles away from him when he noming on it.

-c at ddy.

georgia little pea said...

Honestly Chandra, you vegos are SO sensitive ;p

Sheena said...

I just happen to come across your blog and the first thing I read was this. I couldn't stop laughing! Thank you for sharing such a funny story.

Leslie said...

Well happy belated birthday there, Typist! What a glorious gift you were given.

I've had a couple of big male dogs whose farts were so offensive even *they* left the room. (Bella doesn't fart, she "toots". ;)

georgia little pea said...

Hey Sheena, pleased to meet you! Glad you had a laugh!

Leslie - Bella toots? BWAH HAHA!!!!! That is hysterical! Poor girl :)

lifewithmydogs said...

And I thought Jock's farts were bad! I don't think he's ever stank out an entire house before. But then, he's an outside dog, so we've never really tried it. Not sure I want to, either...