I'm going to keep this short.
Regarding your letter of complaint, I have met with your humans. They seem perfectly nice and no more unhinged than the average petowner. Your Typist offered me some homemade chocolate cake which was very good, so it's entirely possible she might have been able to bake you That Cake.
They also showed me photos of your birthday weekend. Despite the bad weather, your out-at-work human took you to Centennial Park on Sunday. You say you didn't get to meet your bestest friends. It looks to me like you made a few new ones though.
You met a potential new boyfriend, Bertie.
I do hope you're spayed, Ms Ingles.
You also took part in a conga line.
Finally, Your Typist tells me you received quite a few well wishes from friends, including these spiffy ones -
This one looks like it was painstakingly personalised.
This one even moves and sings!
Ms Ingles, you are obviously not unloved or neglected. I now consider this case closed. I would appreciate it if you do not bother me again with such trivial matters. I do Very Important Work here.
The Person Who Looks After Dogs, SPCA.
My Typist's Best Chocolate Cake In The World Even If She Says So Herself How Would I Know, I'm Not Allowed Chocolate.
1 and 1/2 blocks good quality DARK chocolate, gently melted down