Sunday, March 27, 2011

A letter of complaint to the SPCA.

Dear Person Who Looks After Dogs,

My name is *Laura Ingles. My friends suggested I write you to see if you could help me with my sad problem.

Yesterday was my birthday. I am now 2 and 2/3 years old. It's peculiar I know. Most dogs don't have fraction birthdays. I think it may be because my humans don't really know when I was born and decided to celebrate my birthday on the day they got me.

My day started quite promisingly. I got to sleep in a little and got some good cuddles too.
Then it was time for my birthday walk. I know it wasn't my humans' fault that it was grey and drizzly again.
But all I got was 1 lousy hour of walk. We went to the beach, but there was no one there.
I didn't get to meet Coco or Delle or any of my bestest friends so they could wish me Happy Birthday! What good is a birthday if you don't have any bestest friends to share it with?

All in all, I would have to say it was quite bad planning on my out-at-work human's part not to have organised SOME kind of meet-up. With your years of experience in taking good care of dogs, Mr PWLAD, wouldn't you agree?
When I got home from my walk, my stay-at-home human was preparing some meat. I just knew it was for my birthday! I don't know why Mr Thumper was allowed to be so close to my birthday meat.
In my opinion, being old is really no excuse for bad manners.
All the same, I was very excited! At last! I thought! Someone remembered my birthday! The meat went on the barbie! The smell of sizzling steaks was killing me! It took a little while, but finally, the seared-on-the-outside, tender-and-pink-on-the-inside steaks were done!

So. Imagine my surprise, when this was what I got for my birthday brekkie.
"Look at all that meat, Laura!" my stay-at-home human a.k.a. My Chef and Nutritionist said. "Let's hope it won't make you sick. Dr Dog** said you're not allowed anything but pap for another 7 days, but it's your birthday! So I'm going to give you some extra bits anyway, okay?"

Dear Mr PWLAD, I know I'm only a dog, but surely there's a big difference in the quantity of meat in the 1st 3 and 4th pictures? Where did all the rest go?

It was all too much for me, so I ate my pap and went back to sleep. Though it was my birthday, nothing special happened all arvo.

Then dinner time rolled round. I sadly went to the kitchen to see if anyone was getting my pap ready. And this is what I saw!
Oh my goodness! I was quite nervous! I'd never seen anything like it before! I heard my out-at-work human shout out from the telly room, "It's for YOU, Laura! It's your birthday pressie. Do you like it?"

It smelt very fishy to me. I was sure I would! So I got ready to have a nice dinner.


10 minutes later, my stay-at-home started to eat my birthday pressie/dinner. It was such a shock!
I tried to tell her maybe she'd made a mistake. But she ignored me and snarfled it all. I ask you, has that human no shame?

And guess what? I got more pap for my birthday dinner.

Dear Mr PWLAD, I want to stress that my humans aren't normally so hurtful. My stay-at-home human says she was planning to bake me a special birthday cake. She looked all over the internet to find one she liked.
Look at that cake! I don't want to sound mean, but I know my stay-at-home human's baking skills and I really don't think that cake would have been achievable. In retrospect, I think she was just playing a cruel joke on me.

So now you know all the tragic events that unfolded on my 2 and 2/3rd birthday yesterday. I've given you as many pertinent facts as I remember so you can launch your investigation. If you need more information, please do not hesitate to write me back. I will be happy to assist in any way. There are too many bad dogowners out there.

Till I hear from you, I wait in hope for retreebusion retribusyun revenge. Thank you. Yours faithfully, Laura Ingles.


*Real name withheld for the safety of the victim.
** I wonder if you should start an investigation into Dr Dog as well. I'm not sure it's good for dogs to eat so much pap. Where's the nutritional value? Please consider my request.

P.S. For more evidence of how far our relationship has deteriorated in the past year, please do have a look at THIS. Thank you.



+++++

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18 comments:

georgia little pea said...

Oh Hi There!

I know lots of you have already wished me a happy birthday because you didn't think I was ever going to get my story out. THANK YOU SO MUCH for your nice words and cards [by email too!]. It was very kind of you.

BTW, in case the SPCA investigation finds my humans guilty, would any of you happen to know a family that will take me in? I am hoping for someone who can bake this time.

Thank you! :) xox Georgia Little Pea.

Jean said...

Georgia, I'm sorry you didn't get lots and lots and lots of yummy steak for your birthday. Maybe next year you will get double to make up for this year.
As for the SPCA...um...I volunteer with them and I think any one of the dogs in our shelter would happily change places with you. Most of them have never had steak at all, and some were never allowed in a house (let alone on the bed or the couch!), and lots haven't had a kind word or a pat on the head for a long, long time before they came to the shelter. So buck up, Georgia, and be thankful that you have loving, if somewhat forgetful, humans who love you.
But if you do need someone to take you in, you can come here! Mr. Thumper, too!

houndstooth said...

Oh, the humanity!

First, happiest of birthdays to you, Miss Ingles!

Now, birthdays are supposed to be all about you! Mom and Dad bake us birthday cakes for our birthdays, and if they can't for some reason, well, that's what the dog bakery is for! Even if your tummy troubles were an excuse, which I am highly doubtful about, I think there still should have been much fussing over you and lots of new toys and such. Really, I'm just shocked!

You can come here and stay with us if you can find a way to get to our house!

Bunny

Karen Friesecke said...

Silly puppy! Lobsters are for humans!! I must say that your lobsters look a little different from the lobsters that I get in Canada.

georgia little pea said...

@Jean - how did you know I was Georgia? Oh, because I forgot to sign off as Laura. Poo. I am duly chastised and will try to think of the poor starving dogs [like what I used to be and still am on some days]. THANK YOU FOR YOUR SUPER DUPER CARD THAT MOVED! We all love it!

@ Bunny - you have dog bakeries? I am speechless.

@ Karen - I'm guessing your lobsters are a bit bigger than a large prawn? :p

Mr Ben from Bermtopia said...

Mr Ben sent me this special email 4 days ago -

Ms. Georgia -- in this brief moment of opportunity, please accept great birthday felicitations. My Two-legged Traitors are abandoning me for a week as they take the Number2Son on holiday. I am devastated. Not. I will be extremely spoiled by our neighbors down the street. But I will have limited e-mail access. Must work that out the next time the Two-legged Traitors go out of town.

Natal Day Regards,

Ben (soon to be without e-mail) from Bermtopia

THANK YOU Mr Ben! xox

Kenzo said...

I think it is a conspiracy. Can you see the pattern? Showing off these fine steaks and where did they go? Giving you pictures of a yummie birthday cake, but where is it? Maybe DrDog is into it too, and they make you eat pap because they knew your birthday was coming. This cannot be a coincidence anymore. Or could it even be that ... they organized your whole birthday just to make you feel bad! Oh no, I don't hope the person from the SPCA is also into it ... with conspiracies you never know.

happy birthday "Laura" :)

Jan said...

Please let us know if your letter gets the results you are seeking for the way humans are treating you. We have a lot of grievances that need to be addressed also and we are not sure where to take them.

Misty the alpha Poodle and the other Poodle and dogs

Elizabeth said...

Laura Ingles, huh? Such a shame you are treated so badly. :( You could come across the Pacific pond and the whole U.S.A. and stay with us, but then you would have to share quarters with four c.a.t.s. We'd rather eat pap (whatever the heck that is).
Jon Farleigh and Dewi

georgia little pea said...

@Kenzo - a conspiracy theory! OMG I never thought of that. I will look into it. Perhaps the butcher and my bestest friends' humans are also involved. This could be BIG.

@Misty and other poodle and dogs - I will update as soon as I hear back from them. I hope you're all alright. Please take care xox

@Jon Farleigh and Dewi - FOUR c.a.t.s? You guys are SAINTS! But, believe me, you'd rather not eat pap :(

Greyhounds CAN Sit said...

I couldn't resist, I had to Google Laura Ingles and I was right, Little House on the Prairie:) So I can see why this letter was written now! Or can I? Hmmm.

Well, 'Laura' I think you've been very hard done by on your birthday and I'm a day late wishing you a happy 1 and it wasn't:( Hopefully your people will make it up to you next year and at least make you a cake. We can't buy doggy cakes in New Zealand either, I don't think there's a doggy bakery in the whole country. Most of my cooking turns out fit for the kids so maybe I should start one up?

I will be looking forward to hearing the result of the ensuing investigation, but I won't be holding my breath. The wheels of bureaucracy turn very slowly and you'll probably be fortunate if you hear anything by your next birthday. Oh dear, now I'm even sadder for you:(

georgia little pea said...

@ GreyhoundsCANsit - what a sleuth you are! You must be quite young to have to google her :)

Why NOT start a dog bakery?! There are people here who bake fresh dog treats and bikkies for sale through shops, but I've never seen a dog bakery. The mind boggles!

Pup Fan said...

Oh, the horror! I've got chills over here...

chandra said...

Dear Laura,
You deserve a steak just for your excellent choice in pseudonym! A couple of months ago when I visited Manly Beach, I thought it was so great that a whole place was named after Laura's husband!

Anyhoo, I can sympathize with having a "eh" birthday. I've had a few of those myself. So I believe in birthday week as it gives good stuff more of an opportunity to come your way. And I see there are only five days left until you can have a chicken wing. So there you go!

-c at ddy.

sonia a. mascaro said...

Happy Birthday dear Georgia! All the best to you!

Love all photos, specially you at the beach.
And the new banner is great!

I am sorry that the cake your Mom choose would not achievable... Lol!

Have a nice week ahead!

georgia little pea said...

@Pup - I know. It's amazing what stuff us dogs have to suffer!

@Chandra - happy yesterday birthday! :) My Typist has to go google Manly Beach LI's husband because she has no idea what you're talking about. Gah.

@Sonia - thank you :) I'm happy with the new picture too. I think I look quite demure this time. Thank goodness!

Kristine said...

Poor Georgia! That is truly awful. I am sure my dog sympathizes. For her birthday last year all she got was a dog cookie. That's it. A cookie and her normal kibble dinner. She wasn't very impressed either. Perhaps the two of you should start some sort of world-wide protest. Us humans are evil.

I can't believe there wasn't even anyone at the beach... Some friends, eh? Didn't they know it was your special day?? Maybe they will make up for it next time.

sagechronicles said...

I would certainly hold out for a BIG steak after all that pap you've had to eat! I bet you still had the bestest birthday even though you only got a paltry little bit of meat.