Saturday, January 28, 2012

The follow-up to the post with no name.

In case you're one of the 6, 999, 999, 975 humans who missed that post, here it is.

I've been thinking very hard the last few days about how to write this report. I want to present My Cushion and My Typist in a fair and unbiased way, so that no one will ever guess that my favourite human in all the world is My Cushion.

I've decided to just tell you what my humans do and let YOU vote on whether I'm right in thinking that My Cushion is really the most useful!

Here goes!

The Hardworking Provider vs The  Home Cook.
 My Cushion works hard 5 days a week to feed me. He brings home the bacon [or to be precise, the chicken breast fillets and wings, lamb neck bones and beef steaks] once a week. I eat quite a lot. He goes all the way to the city to get me my meat because fresh is best. [Otherwise we'd be going to Woollies up the road].
 "Only the best for my Georgia," he always says. 

My Typist is my cook.
She can be quite slow and it's always the same recipe.
My Typist is also my nutritionist. She keeps a close eye on my weight and makes sure my meals are lowfat, nutritious and well balanced.  It's a real shame she can't be as disciplined with her own diet.

I went from this voluptuous figure...
...to this skeletal frame, thanks to My Typist.
Some days, I feel like Vicky Beckham.

The Obsessive Bather vs The Gentle Butt Squeezer.
I usually get bathed by My Typist. This is by default because she doesn't have to go to work like My Cushion and is also more finicky about cleanliness. 

This week, I got 3 medicated baths because my skin has started to get itchy and lumpy again. Allergies are the bane of my life.
There are no words to describe how much I hate that blue leash.

My Cushion is the only one who dares to squeeze my butt. 
 
Dr Dog taught him how to do this dirty important job. He does it without with hardly any complaint despite great personal risk [of being squirted on, which is what happened earlier this week].
Perhaps he needs to improve his technique.

The 7-Days A Week Walker vs The Occasional Carer.
My Cushion takes me out every morning. We leave at around 6 [depending on how long he sits on the potty]. He also takes me out most evenings [even after a day of hard yakka].
Sometimes, we walk to the fishmarket over the bridge. It's a very long walk.
We've never taken pictures there but we will one day, to show you.

Every Saturday, My Cushion takes me out for a phở lunch at our favourite Vietnamese cafe. It's like a father and daughter moment except that he's not my father and I'm not his daughter [being a dog]. He gets the noodles and soup, and I get the meat.

We also go to the pub off and on. 

This is where we usually go for a pint of Guinness. It was Mr T's favourite pub.
Once, a human got thrown out for complaining about the dogs in there! It's da best pub eva!

Despite the welcome sign, dogs are not welcome at this pub below.
This may be considered deceptive advertising.

When does My Typist take me out? That is a good question and one that My Cushion likes to ask too.

My Typist is my carer. Whenever I feel crook, she's the one I look for because someone has to clean up the mess. 
She's very conscientious about washing/mopping/hosing down/disinfecting the bedding/rugs/floors/yard when I have a bad tummy so that everything stays hygienically clean. She's especially useful when I get sick at night and will sleep on the couch by me all night if she has to, to make sure I'm okay. [And why not? It's not like she has to go to work in the morning.]
To be fair, My Typist does have flashes of brilliance like when she made me this E-collar out of some old plastic scrap. You can read about that traumatic experience here if you like.

The Cushion vs The Typist.
My Cushion is very good at being a cushion. 
He doesn't fidget like Someone Else [whose name I shall not mention since I don't want to appear biased]. He will not move at all when I'm sleeping on him. Not to pick up the phone. Not when the doorbell rings. Not even when Someone Else yells for him to come rescue her from a cockroach or spider in the shower. He is 100% committed to the job which is very nice.
My Cushion never complains that I'm too heavy [I'm only 43+ kilos]. He doesn't whinge that I'm hurting his knees or that he can't breathe. Compare that to My Typist who often tells me, "You're not a chihuahua, you know, Georgia Little Pea!" - a remark I find quite offensive.

My Typist also fancies herself as my cushion. Sadly for her, I don't.

My Typist is my typist. She types with 6 fingers even though she has 10, ofte makes typo erros but is otherwise, quite dependabl;e.


***


That concludes my report on my humans and their many job responsibilities! I think you'll agree that it was written in a very non-judgemental way. It's important to me that I have not in any way compromised your opinions or turned you against The Typist.

That means it's time to vote! Who do YOU think has the more important job in our little home? It's okay to be honest and say it's My Cushion.


*

psst. Want to see something scary? CLICK HERE.


Update! 11.40am My Cushion picked up TWO typo errors so I had to re-publigh this post! My Typist can;t even do that right.


27 comments:

fabulousflo said...

Oh GLP! I'm laughing out loud! Poor typist! Though, I have to say, that cushion of yours does look like he takes his title seriously.

I'm sorry you feel like Posh. At least you've got more (if not bigger) boobs.

H and Her Fabulousness

georgia little pea said...

i'll take that as a vote for My Cushion. thank you Fab! you're obviously a discerning reader.

Pamela said...

I don't mean to take a thing away from your Cushion. He sounds absolutely awesome.

But I noticed in your recent video that you had a very lovely and svelte figure so your Typist/Nutritionist must be going something right.

And I'll also mention that if it was up to your Cushion, you would not be the international dog celebrity that you are today.

If your Typist feels unappreciated, she might find a new writing gig and then we'd all be waiting on your Cushion to share Georgia stories. I have a feeling that would be a long wait. And I'd be very sad.

georgia little pea said...

dear Ms Pamela, you must be having a bad day. i shall disregard your comment but publish it anyway since i like to be fair.

Jean said...

Oh GLP!! You asked us which human is the most useful, and after reading your report I concluded they are equally useful, and both very important to your health, happiness, and overall wellbeing. Your Cushion may earn the money and buy the meat, but if the typist didn't prepare it you would be pretty darn hungry! And I bet your typist also prepares food for your Cushion, and if she didn't do that, he might be a skeleton, which wouldn't make a very comfy Cushion at all! And if she didn't keep the house and GLP nice and clean, your Cushion might not want to spend time being a Cushion - He might prefer to be outdoors away from the smellies and cockroaches and other things that come with dirty places.
I could write more, but I'm sure you get the picture. Both are important. And to your readers, the Typist is VERY important, because if not for her, we might not get to read your wonderful blog - well, except when you type it yourself, but then you wouldn't have time to lie around on your Cushion, now would you?
Love, your friend in Canada.

georgia little pea said...

dear Ms Jean, do you HAVE to be so logical and sensible? now you've made me ponder and i hate having to ponder on a weekend.

Pup Fan said...

LOL... sometimes I feel just like the Typist! I do all the not fun (but necessary stuff) and my husband is the fun one. I think I deserve some cuddles too. So I have to side with the Typist here... it's all out of love!

Georgia Little Pea's Typist said...

Georgia's having a nap so I thought I'd take the opportunity to say THANK YOU PupFan!That's 1 definite vote for ME yay!x

DogsMom said...

I am not going to express an opinion, since I think GLP will somehow contrive it to reflect her own anyway.
I want to thank both your humans for taking such wonderous care of you and for being an inspiration to other humans to do better.
And thank YOU for giving me a huge smile this evening as I read your post. (Except for the butt squeezing portion.)

Georgia Little Pea's Typist said...

Dear Dogsmom, it's so good to see you again, thank you for dropping by :) I could have done with your vote. *sigh* Georgia's gone out for her pho lunch with Her Cushion. Oh well... x

Swati said...

GLP sure has a career awaiting in politics, given how tactful and unbiased she has been in her campaign!

As for the vote, I had been wavering between both your humans, but since The Typist has often committed the grave transgression of comparing you to celebrities (earlier it was Jessica Simpson and her orange skin, and now it's Vic Beckham!), I think I shall vote for The Cushion!

Georgia Little Pea's Typist said...

Unfortunately for you, it's still The Typist here. You're in so much trouble now, Ms Swati ;)1 more vote for The Cushion then.

What Remains Now said...

Gosh, Georgia! I like Your Typist so very much; but you do make a compelling argument for Your Cushion. I'm trying to be clearly obscure.

georgia little pea said...

dear Ms Lori,

i'm back from my pho lunch! maybe i'll post some pictures later to show you. you're too clever clearly. i think you read too much E.B. White.

Kenzo said...

Health comes first, and haven't you heard? Typists can swap out Cushions with a new one just like that. Typists a hard to find and there are plenty of Cushions. If you like it or not. So clearly, your Typist is the most important and useful in the house. After you of course.

grrl + dog said...

Sounds like there is an axe to grind..

You are getting too big for your dog mat young lady and need to count your blessings.

on all paws.

georgia little pea said...

1 vote for The Typist from Kenzo! Grrrr...

How very perceptive, grrl ;)

Goodnight everyone! xox

sagechronicles said...

I must say, your Typist certainly has my vote. Anyone that can smush a rump has to be pretty special. Although, I must say, if it wasn't for your Cushion, there wouldn't be anything to go into the front end!!

Jan said...

This seems to be a thoroughly biased report to elicit the response you want. We think that you are seeking to be the alpha dog and after the voting results you will pit yourself against the Cushion to establish your dominance.

You are a very clever dog and a role model for dogs everywhere.

Friko said...

Frankly, GLP, I think you need to start appreciating your typist a bit more. She cleans up after you, for a start.

Georgia Little Pea's Typist said...

What does SMUSH A RUMP mean, Sage???

Jan, I suspect she's already the alpha dog ;)

Thank you, Friko!

sonia a. mascaro said...

LOL! What a funny post, Georgia!
I enjoyed each phrase and each photo.
I agree with Jean, "I concluded they are equally useful, and both very important to your health, happiness, and overall wellbeing"!
Another conclusion is that you are so beloved, so precious, and you are very lucky to have so nice Mom and Dad!
Hugs and kisses to you all!

Karen Friesecke said...

A good friend will take you for a walk. A GREAT friend will express your anal glands :0 Your Cushion is *awesome*

Greyhounds CAN Sit said...

GLP ... you think too much! Enjoy both your slaves because I think they're both the best at everything they do for you. If you lived at our place you would have to share the slave with either Frankie or Beryl and there is only one slave here to look after two dogs. I think both of them would gladly swap places with you:) Sadly I can't even make a peanut butter treat for Frankie because he doesn't like PB.

houndstooth said...

Hee hee hee! We had no internet this weekend, so I'm catching up. I think that your Cushion and your Typist have to work together to keep you properly taken care of! They both serve a purpose to keep you happy. I'm pretty sure I have to vote for your Cushion as the one you'd have the hardest time living without, though!

Bunny

Elizabeth said...

The dads/Cushions are always more fun than the "mean" moms/Typists. It's just a sad fact of life. But, from one who knows better to another, the dads/Cushions have it easy. That is my vote. Do not bite the hand of your carer, GLP!

sonia a. mascaro said...

I am here again and I am laughing out loud again!
Georgia, your Typist is a great writer. She is intelligent, witty, funny, amusing and much more...
Georgia Little Pea, your blog is just great!