I've made myself a rare 2nd mug of coffee with 1/3 full fat milk [skim is for wimps], and am now ready to talk about why menopause isn't as scary as it's made out to be.
[Okay, that came out a bit suddenly. I'd like to spend a bit more time being anal and tweaking this intro, but apparently someone wants to read this in a hurry.]
Menopause is not what you might call a relevant topic for a dogblog perhaps, but I'm feeling lateral this week and it's what I want to write about. So if you're already switching off, arf! arf! I totally understand. Please go in peace and have A Most Excellent Day. [Don't forget to come back though. I assure you, this is only a phase.]
*
When I first started turning menopausal [notice how I can spell the word now?], I remember mentioning it to a girlfriend. Her immediate reaction was to commiserate with me. "Oh no! Poor thing!" she cried, or something to that effect. I had to tell her, "It's perfectly okay with me."
I don't know how many of you feel [or felt] this way, but from the time I was in my early 40s, I actually looked forward to being menopausal. I couldn't wait for the day to come and had no idea why so many women dreaded it.
I knew there would be some discomfort and possibly osteoporosis to look forward to, but wailing about it seemed as helpful as crying over death and taxes.
Anyway, seeing as how there's so much bad press about this unavoidable phase of life, I thought I would come out with a quick list today, of the things I do like about being menopausal. [PLEASE NOTE: This is not a medical report, it's the view of one {1} menopausal woman.]
And here they are.
1. I no longer have to deal with cramps, bloat and breakouts.
2. I save money every month on sanitary products, pimple cream and other stuff I probably shouldn't mention on a G-rated dogblog.
3. I no longer have to calculate the dates when I can safely take off for a skimpy beach holiday.
4. I don't need to sleep so much. [This is otherwise called insomnia, but it's also a good time to catch up with blogging or movies on late night telly.]
5. I don't have to worry about accidents and can wear white any day of the year (though why I would want to do so is something else).
6. I can be crabby and forgetful and blame it on my hormones. [Warning! In my experience, this excuse is only good the 1st year and should be used sparingly.)
And finally...
7. I don't need exercise, heating, or a pigdog sitting on my lap to keep me warm. [You hear that, Georgia?]
That's all I can think of for now! I know there must be more good things to say! So sister! if you have anything you'd like to add, feel free to do so!
Meanwhile, I'm off to the shops to buy myself a nice fat slice of double cream cake because
8. I'm old and no longer have to worry about being attractive to construction workers.
Hallelujah!
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35 comments:
Well put Typist! xoxox
Dang it! You took mine with #8.
Sadly, my peep can relate to your posts the past few days....and I can attest to the reality of it all as well....watchin' my peep go thru it all has been - well - very interestin' ...
Well said.
I saved a lot of heating money this winter!
And yes, it provides a kind of freedom.
Okay, so I'm screwed. I'm one of those hot-blooded people already so this means I'm going to be dripping with sweat which means I'm not going to be able to wear white and I'm going to have to stay in shape because I will have to wear summer-type clothing all year around which means no double cream cake for me.
I think I'm going to have to go the grey warrior route. Where does The Other Half buy his skull masks? Sigh.
-c at ddy.
Oh dear Ms C - you are on a precipitous slope! Fortunately, you have at least 20 years before you get to the edge, so do not fret! There is every chance they'll have zero calorie double cream cakes by then.
P.S. I'll ask about the skull mask. Awful creepy thing.
You make some excellent points, though I fear Mum is over-using her right to be crabby...hmmmm. Deccy x
Er, I don't know if this is good news or bad news, but I've never found construction workers that discerning. In fact, you're probably widening your construction-worker audience. Woo hoo! However, if you start developing your own builder's bum (plumber's crack, whatever you want to call it) you might want to ease off on the iced donut (with sprinkles). Oh, and I've got a title to (tenuously) link this post to your blog... 'There's life in the old dog yet'. :)
Hmmm... I'm really glad you didn't use the feminine, Flo ;)
I like your list Typist, only two more I can think to add - I blame my poor memory on menopause (not the fact that I'm just naturally dense) and I also blame my lousy skin and weight problem on menopause (not on my lousy genes and lack of will-power) oh heck there's another one - when I just don't want to do something? there's lots of menopausal related excuses to come up with! And Typist, you're menopausal, so you can do anything you please on ya dog blog, the possibilities are endless ;)
Rose - I forgot about lousy skin and weight! Yes, we can definitely blame that on menopause [I say, as I snarfle another bit of Lindt Extra Dark Chocolate with Sea Salt].
As for the poor memory - hmmm, did you forget I mentioned that in the list? :0
can't wait till mine comes along.. so i do not have to deal with cramps, bloat and urmm... faint :)
but you have to maintain and be attractive to construction workers at any any age don't you think?
didya try them handstands already? they work you know... its a tried and tested thingy.
think i am just gonna go run out for some cream cakes.. i love those to bits! i can't wait till my menopausal period...i can't. Them cream cakes will just get very lonely and dry on the shelves of the bakery.
HALPPPPPPP HALPPPPPPPPPPPP... them cream cakes are calling for meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee
No Anny, you don't! [unless you need some work done on your house]. And you'll be the first to know if I try your trick :)
BTW - if any construction worker is reading this - "Hi there! Welcome to the blog!"
BWhahahahaha...my mum is overs heres crackin' up and I ain't talkin' bouts da plumber's butt eithers. Oooooooh dis was a brilliant postie Ms. Typist!
My mum is headin' to her fourties and you has eased her mind bouts menopause...except furs da weight gain. And of course, her has always been bitchy so I'll be used to dat.
Nows her wants to talk bouts construction workers;)
Puddles
Heck Typist told you so (No.6 eh??)
YOU DON'T, not Lindt Dark w Sea Salt!! to die FOR.
Puddles - I did the postie for the sistas so I'm glad her mind is eased :) If you want to talk about butt cracks and construction workers though, please visit Anny or Flo!
Rose - It's my favourite! #2 Dark w caramel crunch. And tied at #3 Dark w coffee and Dark w chilli. YUM.
Ah. Thank you. The suspense was killing me.
Oh yes! Yes! It's all true!
What a relief not to have all that mess to deal with, having half your consciousness being paid to the condition of your equipment, permanent and temporary.
And I do find comfort in being able to be old, finally, and to give up on the Youth Race.
I think construction workers might be more appreciative of lots of female . . . flesh . . . than you think.... ;-p
June - about time! "The mess" is a very good description. Don't miss it at all. I am aging gratefully myself :) and I do NOT want to think about constructioon workers lol.
Dear Ms. Georgia:
Please tell your Typist that we really like how you stirred things up lately with your Dog-Blog-with-a-Cause focus, which I think was successful (you got clarification and a response - hey! - and we received a very nice email reply, too), and I also like your Sisterhood focus, too. It's good to mix things up as long as things don't get mixed up.
Love,
Tootsie
[P.s. I looked up Anzac Day and I do think Memorial Day is similar.]
LOL! Great list! My mother also looked forward to menopause. After 4 kids, I think she was fine with getting rid of all that comes with periods, etc.
Honestly, as I near thr age I look at it with some nervousness. I don't have any kids to speak of and no partner to worry about my moods, but for me it's as if I finally have to acknowledge I am no longer a spring chicken. Perhaps j will save your list to inspire and comfort me when that time comes.
BTW- any luck trashing the ugly short? :)
As one who has successfully navigated through the hot flashes, moodiness and sleepless nights of menopause, and come out relatively unscathed, I can add a couple more benefits to your list:
Leg and underarm hair growth slows down so, for those who shave them, it becomes a once-in-a-while thing. (The downside is that the hairs just take a different route and start popping out in places you don't want to see them on the face.)
You can do whatever you want to do and get away with it - young people will dismiss your actions as senility, old people will cheer on the rise of 'grey power'.
There is incredible freedom in being post-menopausal!
You are hilarious. :-) If menopause means I will no longer be harrassed on the street, sign me up!
The only sentiment with which I don't agree is the last one. I want to be attractive to construction workers and anybody else forever. (Perhaps it'll start any day now).
For those who find the menopause irksome: exercise, healthy food and a young lover will make it entirely bearable.
Tootsie - I'm going to email you when I'm fully awake because I think you're going to solve a mystery for me. I'm wagging x
Daisy's mom - I understand the spring chicken bit. The thing that most makes me feel like I've lost my springiness is men (sadly). Even today, more than 10 years after any man (who's not a construction worker) has shown an interest in chatting me up, I still feel the loss. Lord knows men can be irritating when there try to pick you up, but they're equally irritating when they don't.
No need to be nervous! There really REALLY are a lot of good things about being on The Other Side Of The Pad. I take no medication or therapy for it and let my body do what it needs to. Sometimes I crave certain foods and I can sweat more than a rugby player on heat when I'm training (a bit embarrassing, I carry 2 towels to class) but apart from that, I have no real complaints.
As for the ugly - he's not saying anything yet but I remain hopeful ;)
Jean - you're so right about the freedom! And unfortunately, also about the random hair. There is a persistent one that grows on my chin and one more from my cheek. The Other Half loves pulling them out for me IN PUBLIC. Grrr. I've had them for a while though so maybe they're not M related. At least we won't have hair growing out of our ears and shaggy eyebrows.
Or will we?
Friko - A young lover HAHA! Do tell! I don't know whether this is a byproduct of M, but I've finally in the last few years, started to find older men more interesting. (Older, not decrepit.) I still enjoy eye candy but the days of being *hmmm* attracted? to brawny young men are definitely gone for me. Should I be worried or pleased?
CUSHION! I hope you're not reading this! :)
I went through mine years and years ago but besides the hot flashes it was no big deal either.
I didn't get bitchy or fussy!! Didn't get fat either but I did watch my diet!!! The hot flashes were my only problem. I am 76 years old now!!! It was a long time ago!!lol
Fern - you might be the Elder here! And look at you go! :) x
I've been pretty lucky . . not to many hot flashes, but my hubby teases me about going through "the change". Who the hell decided to call it that?? I say "bring it on!" but you will never catch me in white - I'm just to messy ;)
Julie - bring it on indeed! truthfully, no one with dogs can wear white!
P.S. you look very young in your profile pic. Are you sure you're *uhm* changing? :D
BOL I enjoyed your post today! I had to go through this suddenly due to a surgery and I was totally freaked out worried about all the symptoms...and guess what I haven't had a single bad symptom! No hot flashes, no mood swings, etc. Of course I still blame my bad moods on it and my weight gain, and whatever else I can. We're entitled, right?!
Hey, it'e me again...Puddles.
I just wanted to lets you knows dat since we has founded your bloggie, me and mum has thoroughly enjoyed readin' it and you is quite funny and I likes funny. And gracious, I always am so excited to sees a new post come up.
Puddles
Absolutely Peggy! It'll be our little secret ;)
Awww Puddles - you is sweet. Thank ya! And put some lavender on that butt, okay? Hugs x
You got that right!!
Sigh .. I still haven't thought of anything clever or funny to say about this clever and funny post (as most of yours are, when you're not being poignant) so I'll just say I enjoyed it immensely:) Not many women can wear white and look good pre or post menopausal. I used to own a pair of white jeans, got them from the op shop, that's where they ended up again, unworn by me. I could have used them as a duster I suppose?
That was FUNNY, Sue! I have a pair of white shorts and jeans and I love them! I just have to remember not to use black undies when I wear them, that's all ;)
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