Monday, May 28, 2012

Menauposal musings.

1. Learn how to spell menaupause properly.


2. Do not get upset that Georgia is always on The Other Half, keeping him warm while refusing to do the same for me. 
3. Do not get jealous either. She's A Dog and I'm only imagining that she's gloating.
4. Remain calm when The Other Half tells me, "Your thermostat is not working." What does he know? He's only A Rude Tick A Man With A Portable Personal HeatSac.


5. Do not laugh when he tells me there's no such thing as male menaopause, while cruising with a bunch of grey warriors wearing a skull mask.


6. Show some compassion when he refuses to get rid of  shirts from when he was young[er].
[I'd appreciate it if you didn't encourage him by saying it's nice. I'm trying to shame him into putting it into the Salvos bin.]


7. Do not wait to be 80 to fall out of a plane and show the world my underwear.


Jumping off this platform last year was a good start.

This pic from HERE. I don't have a picture of myself or The Other Half since I was strapped into the harness [quietly freaking out].  

8.  Do not be sad that I still can't do a proper handstand after 9 years of capoeira, while 20-somethings that started training last week are already walking on their hands.





9. Get serious about where to move to next before fear, inertia, death and/or hip replacements make it impossible.


That's enough musing for the day, don't you think?


Time to go hang out more doggy laundry and see what else Georgia needs done.



+


men·o·pause  (mn-pôzn.

36 comments:

Anonymous said...

Hahaha, she really does love you!! She is on his lap as he is warmer and does not keep jumping up and down to get things done. MOVE!!!! You still have PLENTY time, just push it to the back for another 20 or so years. xoxox

georgia little pea said...

Dear Anon - So it's your professional opinion that it's not because Georgia doesn't like me that she refuses to cuddle with me? Thank you! I feel much better now. I don't know who you are, but you obviously have a scientific mind and are quite astute. Hooroo! x

Berts Blog said...

Of course it is not because she loves you less. She is just wearing out that lap. She wants to keep you fresh and ready to go. And you are right. that is a terribly ugly shirt. (oh did I say ugly) I meant out of date....

Anonymous said...

I'm sure she loves you just as much. May be worthwhile just asking yourself what it is you don't do with her that he does ... just in case. Yeah, what a HORRIBLE shirt ... (just let me know which salvo bin you're dropping it into, OK?) Whoa, I like his bike too ... what am I saying ... no, no HORRIBLE bike, please dump in the same salvo bin.

georgia little pea said...

Hmmm...

AHA!

verobirdie said...

Look at the sad eyes of Georgia on her cushion. They mean she is so sorry she can't be on your lap at the same time. Seriously.
Maybe you could sell the shirt on ebay?
You are very brave to fly, or to do Capoeira. Even as a teenager, I could not stand on my hands. Imagine now...

Where are you moving to next?

Jan said...

Oh, there is definitely "male menaopause" and it always involves wheels, a new hair style and some embarrassing silliness.

georgia little pea said...

Vero - ebay! What a grand idea. Where to next... is a good question. That link has some exciting possibilities. Last week, we were moving to Ecuador. I'm not sure where we'll be going this week.

H and Flo said...

Hee hee.

I'm not sure that meno(au)po(au)sal???????? fits in the same sentence as a word as gentle as 'musings'. Don't be afraid, when you're meno(au)po(au)sal you can be vitriolic without shame or fear of imprisonment.

So your floozy of a dog snuggles up to the male in the house - she's just smart enough to know that the fairer sex doesn't need an ego boost every 5 seconds, or she's learned that you are simply too busy to sit still for as long as she needs. And honestly, with her 'glandular issues' it's probably safer to have that end well away from your lap.

And I would find it hard to take any thermostat comments seriously from the gender whose meno(au)po(au)se (oh bugger it, let's just call it a mid-life crisis when it's a boy) can be stoushed with the purchase of a ridiculously small red sports car, driving gloves and driving hat. Unless you have had to ingest ridiculous amounts of stupid things like goji berries (WTF are they anyway?) in an attempt to appease the thermostatic hormone monster then comment on the subject is neither needed nor called for.

Finally, as for the handstand thang... if I might just say, you could be bringing on a hip replacement by even trying, so pour yourself a caprioska / G&T, or whatever takes your fancy, and enjoy watching those flexible, soft-boned youngsters do all that. You can cheer them on while they're at it. I personally find 'cheering on' much, much simpler after sinking a couple of Bombay Sapphires.

Meh!

georgia little pea said...

Flo - thank you for making me laugh. You sound almost as crotchety as me! FABULOUS! x

P.S. Glandular issues are exactly why I had extra doggy laundry to do today. You obviously don't have memory issues yet ;) As for the red sports car -you wouldn't be speaking from personal experience, would you?

Declan said...

Oooh Mums say you don't want to worry about the menopaws hehe! It's the perfect excuse to be bad tempered. I just ignore them. I only have to hear Mum say " For God's sake, how difficult can it be..." and I am instantly sound asleep! I have to say Georgia looks very comfy on her Cushion, if not a little ahemm... large for that sort of thing ;-) Deccy x

georgia little pea said...

Dear Deccy - I will have you know that though I'm not as little as a chi, I'm also not as big as a Dane. In fact, I am a PERFECT size for sitting on a lap or tummy. (I only weigh 43kgs.) Sincerely, your friend Georgia x

June said...

Really truly dogs (and cats) sit on men because once men sit, they don't move. Unlike us women, who need to get up and do some chore every twenty-five seconds to keep the world turning.

Greyhounds CAN Sit said...

Hmm, interesting that New Zealand is 5th on the list and Australia doesn't rate!

I got my little red sports car when I was 46 and newly single. Kept her for 8 years and sold her to an 18 year old girl who loves her as much as I did. But I'm kind of glad I'm not an old teenager any more, I'm growing up a little:)

Nope, falling out of a plane or bungy jumping don't interest me at all. I have done an 'up-bungy' though, which is why I know falling out of a plane etc doesn't interest me:)

GLP looks like she doesn't really want to be there though!

georgia little pea said...

June - so many of you are saying that, I'm beginning to believe it :)

Sue - I love NZ and can understand why it made the list. It's one of our fave places!

What on earth is an up-bungy? Based on your comment, I'm going to guess its something that pulls you up like when a parachute opens. The Other Half has actually done both bungy and skydiving. I'm the chicken in the house. Cluck cluck.

Pamela said...

After watching you practice capoeira for the past 3 years, Georgia is just afraid that if she sits on your lap you're going to spontaneously decide to try a handstand, dumping her unceremoniously on the floor. She's a smart pup.

Take up crosswords instead and she'd be in your lap in minutes. :)

As for cheap retirement destinations, why settle for one? Why do you think I decided to take up sailing?

Leslie said...

I'm so glad I dropped by here this morning - you always manage to make me chuckle. :)

In our house, the 'who does Bella love best' argument goes back and forth. Jan seems to be this round but I think it's because I went away for a week. It may take a while for me win back her favor but I'm sure the right combination of treats will eventually do it. ;)

As for the whole life-changing-event-thingie, I tell people 'Why would I complain about menopause? It's the first time in my whole life I've been warm!' ;)

Ann Oon said...

here.. listen to me lady... a simple way to do the handstand..
1) gel your hair UP so its all standing upright spikey
2) raise your hands..both hands
3) ask the cushion (if his hands are free) to take a picture
4) load the picture into the computer
5) rotate the picture 180 degrees
tadaaaaaaaaa! you are doing a handstand :)

male and female... go thru them menopausal thingy... its just a passing phase :)

i think the green shirt is damn cool... you can definitely sell it at a pretty good price on ebay...

georgia little pea said...

Pamela - I think your retirement plan is everyone's dream. If only I wasn't a water-phobe, it would be the way to go. Just as you're working on getting Honey onboard (pun intended), were wondering if Georgia is going to enjoy chatting with llamas. Maybe we can plan to meet 10 years from now on some white sands beach :)

Leslie - you're right! When The Other Half gets sick or is otherwise unavailable to take Georgia out, she suddenly becomes my BFF. The little user! But I'm afraid, the man is her indisputable #1 and no amount of treats will ever change that.

Anny - I never pegged you for a conwoman lol. I may have to resort to that trick one day. I'm tired of seeing handstands on my friends' FB profile pictures! Did I, or did I not say, DON'T say anything nice about the shirt? GAH.

jodistone said...

Everybody told me about hot flashes, but KNOW told me how cold I'd get! HOLY CRUD. There are times when I just can't get warm.

And eff them, there is such a thing as male menopause!!!

Kristine said...

For the record, I think that shirt is quite ugly. I love that you posted a photo for others to mock. If it works for you, maybe I'll do the same with some of my husband's old clothing. We could create a blog hop! (Would that be going too far?)

georgia little pea said...

Kristine! Genius! Let's do it :)

grrl + dog said...

hahahah!
Welcome to that world!
Seriously, I get the yam cream and it makes me normal. It also helps with the anxieety that happens when your progesteone levels drop.
Can reccommend a good doctor that handles all that natually. No hormone crap.

June said...

Where's the white pants post?
It's showing up as a new post and it is
not
here.
Don't make me come over there.
Well, okay, I'll come over there if you provide a kelpie for me to cuddle.

georgia little pea said...

Darned, June! It was a slip of the wrist. I swear the post was online for no longer than 20 seconds! I suppose there's no backing out of it now. Coming your way soon x

What Remains Now said...

This is a good list...important for us menopausals to write things down.

chandra said...

Laverne's video nearly threw me into early menopause! She was clinging to the plane!!!

I am never ever going skydiving. Ever. Ever.

But that shirt needs to go skydiving. Immediately.

Gee, that sounded a bit menopausal didn't it ...

-c at ddy.

Daisy's Mom said...

I know I'm a bit late to this party, but thank you for being you. I so LOVE your sense if humor!

Georgia loves you, it's just those hot flashes can burn a dog and well, the rude tick, he's all coolness and comfort.

BTW- hate the shirt. HATE it! (Does that help?)
;)

georgia little pea said...

Yes Ms C and Daisy's mom - every little bit of shaming helps! If I had known you guys would be so good at this, I'd have thrown in a few pairs of shoes and the budgie smuggler too :0

Rose from Oz is Back! said...

I love reading all the comments and your replies to your posts Typist, but hell girl, I just had an awful fright - have to admit I'm a tad tired and was starting to just skim over the comments (speed reader and all that ya know) and read.....(I'm only 43kgs) and in a micro second thought "...sorry Typist, I can't be friends with a menopausal woman who only weighs 43 kgs!!" fair dinkum. But in the same micro second realised it was the infamous Ms. Pea!! Bwhahahahaha. (phew thank god) The shirt, the shirt, oh Gad the shirt......Cushion likes to read these things doesn't he??? that's part of male menopause too ya know......they just can't keep their beaks outta the secret women's business...... oh yeah, I was going to jump off some bloody mountain in New Zealand on one of those kite things, paid up and couldn't make the hike UP the mountain in order to JUMP off the darn thing so had to send the other half as they wouldn't refund the money and he consequently puked up on the dude he was strapped to. Ha!

georgia little pea said...

OMG Rose! You just made me choke! I have a horrible cough and laughing too much is not the best thing for me at this time.

Did your man really REALLY puke? I don't know whether to feel sorry for him or the dude. It's actually not as scary as it looks. Just the stepping off the ledge bit. You should give it a go next time you get the chance.

The. shirt. has. had. its. day. I'm [almost] sure of it. As for me being 43 kg!!! I wish! That might be the weight of my fat head. Is confusion a symptom of menaopause too? It is, isn't it?!

Darn! I just spelt the word wrong again. I think I'll just leave it.

Rose from Oz is Back! said...

Typist I have to insist we desist?? with all this mirth and hilarity for one night - my (lingering) flu/cold thing is not sympathetic with my laughing either. Oh what the heck BWHAHAHAHAHAHA (gag) and yep he did so puke all over the bloke he was strapped to (but it was the second they landed) and all because (silly Kiwi) got all smarty-pants and took other half on loop-de-loops? before landing!

georgia little pea said...

Oh well then, HE DESERVED IT! Can you imagine if he'd puked while up in the air? It would have been a youtube sensation just like Laverne!

Daisy's Mom said...

Remember that for next time. :)

Julie said...

okay, I am seriously annoyed that I have been living on pain pills for 3 days and missed all of these posts! I agree with Kristine - that shirt needs to go! I'm off to read your next post ;)

sagechronicles said...

Male menopause??? Really????