My humans think I'm a PigDog.
I was bred to hunt pigs? How can that be? I don't even know what a pig looks like [though I AM quite familiar with extra crispy double-smoked bacon and once had a pig's ear from the petshop which made me sick].
I DO, however, enjoy following a scent. And therein lies the problem.
My family is [mostly] [quite] peaceable. My out-at-work human has an e.x.i.s.t.e.n.t.i.a.l crisis every time he's called upon to kill a marauding rat. My stay-at-home human finds it hard to smack mosquitoes and will wave them away to feed another day [much to the disgust of my out-at-work human who has no compassionate feelings whatsoever for mosquitoes].
So there's been no one around to teach me how to be a bloodthirsty, fearsome PigDog. No one to guide me in my arduous journey to Be All I Can Be. [p.s. Do you like that I'm using big words today? I told you my v.o.c.a.b.u.l.a.r.y was improving.]
But that's alright. I've been teaching myself.
Now just in case there are other dogs out there like me, who lack a role model and mentor, but who dream of being Good Hunting Dogs - I thought I'd share some notes on How I Did It and How You Can Too.
Here are my detailed instructions. Please follow them if you want to be A Good Hunting Dog.
1. It's alright to be ambitious. But it's a good idea to start with something small.
"Here fishie, fishie."
Do not laugh. What you are learning here is posture and patience.
2. Don't be hasty. Move on to something bigger that can run away, only after you've built up some self-confidence.
[The LittleDog is the tiny black dot on the right. My Typist wanted to draw a little circle and arrow on the picture but doesn't know how. If you do, please help her. It's not good to be so stupid.]
"Oh, hi Gracie! Didn't see you there. Nice day, isn't it?"
Yup. Believe me. It's just easier that way.
"We must wait patiently and quietly for our opportunity to strike with lethal force."
"I said, QUIETLY, Coco."
"Get down, Coco! Where do you think you're going?"
And finally, 6. Remember - however much you're drooling at the thought of some fresh meat, the watering-hole is neutral ground.
"Damn watering-hole etiquette."
I hope you've found my detailed instructions helpful. If you follow them, you will surely become as good a hunter as I am. I have more than 1 year of experience in hunting so I know what I'm talking about.
For example, I caught a fly just yesterday. My out-at-work human zapped it, it fell right in front of my bed, I put my nose on it, and it stopped buzzing. That's called Team Work, a fine aspect of hunting that Coco, My Apprentice, is still struggling with.
*We hereby solemnly swear that no LittleDogs or BigDogs were harmed in the taking of these pictures. A fly might have copped it though.
*These techniques were performed by A Professional. Do NOT attempt this by yourself! Human supervision is recommended.
p.s. I wonder what my humans mean when they tell me to go catch a rat. Rats are vermin. I wouldn't like to get bitten by one. I'm going to leave the rats to the c-a-t-s.
Mama, what is a PigDog?