Wednesday, February 2, 2011

My detailed instructions on how to be A Good Hunting Dog.

My humans think I'm a PigDog.

I was bred to hunt pigs? How can that be? I don't even know what a pig looks like [though I AM quite familiar with extra crispy double-smoked bacon and once had a pig's ear from the petshop which  made me sick].

I DO, however, enjoy following a scent. And therein lies the problem.

My family is [mostly] [quite] peaceable. My out-at-work human has an e.x.i.s.t.e.n.t.i.a.l crisis every time he's called upon to kill a marauding rat. My stay-at-home human finds it hard to smack mosquitoes and will wave them away to feed another day [much to the disgust of my out-at-work human who has no compassionate feelings whatsoever for mosquitoes].

So there's been no one around to teach me how to be a bloodthirsty, fearsome PigDog. No one to guide me in my arduous journey to Be All I Can Be. [p.s. Do you like that I'm using big words today? I told you my v.o.c.a.b.u.l.a.r.y was improving.]

But that's alright. I've been teaching myself.

Now just in case there are other dogs out there like me, who lack a role model and mentor, but who dream of being Good Hunting Dogs - I thought I'd share some notes on How I Did It and How You Can Too.

Here are my detailed instructions. Please follow them if you want to be A Good Hunting Dog.

1. It's alright to be ambitious. But it's a good idea to start with something small.
"Here fishie, fishie." 
Do not laugh. What you are learning here is posture and patience.

2. Don't be hasty. Move on to something bigger that can run away, only after you've built up some self-confidence.
"Come on, LittleDog, just a bit closer. Nothing to be afraid of."

[The LittleDog is the tiny black dot on the right. My Typist wanted to draw a little circle and arrow on the picture but doesn't know how. If you do, please help her. It's not good to be so stupid.]

3. Choose your prey wisely. Something that doesn't fight back would be good.
"Oh, hi Gracie! Didn't see you there. Nice day, isn't it?"
Yup. Believe me. It's just easier that way.

4. The day will come when you're finally ready for Big Game! Consider finding an apprentice. 
"A helpless prey has passed this way, Coco, My Apprentice."
"We must wait patiently and quietly for our opportunity to strike with lethal force."
"I said, QUIETLY, Coco."
"Get down, Coco! Where do you think you're going?"
"Shhhh! Sit down! DOWN COCO!"
"Alright, who's there? Is that you, Georgia?"
[Another little circle and arrow here for The Prey would have been nice.]

5. This is IMPORTANT - Be careful who you pick as an apprentice. Mr Trump will vouch for that.

And finally, 6. Remember - however much you're drooling at the thought of some fresh meat, the watering-hole is neutral ground. 
"Damn watering-hole etiquette."

I hope you've found my detailed instructions helpful. If you follow them, you will surely become as good a hunter as I am. I have more than 1 year of experience in hunting so I know what I'm talking about.

For example, I caught a fly just yesterday. My out-at-work human zapped it, it fell right in front of my bed, I put my nose on it, and it stopped buzzing. That's called Team Work, a fine aspect of hunting that Coco, My Apprentice, is still struggling with.

+++++

*We hereby solemnly swear that no LittleDogs or BigDogs were harmed in the taking of these pictures. A fly might have copped it though.

*These techniques were performed by A Professional. Do NOT attempt this by yourself! Human supervision is recommended.

p.s. I wonder what my humans mean when they tell me to go catch a rat. Rats are vermin. I wouldn't like to get bitten by one. I'm going to leave the rats to the c-a-t-s.
"Hey Mr StreetCat. How about you catch some rats for us in return for pooping in our yard?"

+++

Mama, what is a PigDog?

19 comments:

Karen Friesecke said...

What an awesome post! Georgia has some pretty serious hunting post style :D I'm going to have to take pics of Jersey when she stalks birds and share them.

sagechronicles said...

That was hilarious!! You have all the right moves down, Georgia. I do "little dog" too, but haven't found much to herd (except all the dogs at the dog park, and my kitties, and....and....)

Kristine said...

Hahahahahaha! Awesome advice Georgia. Though I am trying to dissuade my dog from hunting other animals so I don't think I will pass this on to her. It's best. This morning she chased a little white rabbit through the trees, poor thing. Luckily the rabbit is much smarter and got away but I was worried. Do you have any advice on stopping a dog from hunting? That would be much appreciated.

I love your new header image. You are really getting the hang of the swimming thing.

Juliette said...

Very funny!! My small westie once found an injured dove and brought it to me in his soft mouth - took it to the bird sanctuary where it did fine.

georgia little pea said...

Oh say, share, SHARE yes please! It would be fantastic to see all your different hunting styles Jersey, Sage and Shiva!

@Shiva- I have no advice on how NOT to hunt. I think my humans would probably like to know too. Fortunately for them, I am strictly a capture and release type hunter. Since you're a good friend, I'll tell you a secret... I have never actually captured anything. Yet. Unless you count the fly. Shhh.

@Dougie...that is IMPRESSIVE! You're a Lifesaver! How cool is that? Have you ever thought of going professional?

Pamela said...

Georgia, you gave me my first laugh of the day. Thank you.

No, I'm not laughing at your awesome stalking poses. I'm laughing at your people who have obviously not learned hunting instincts from the excellent teacher right in their midsts.

BTW, don't be in too big a hurry to hunt rats. They're mean. My husband asked my puppies Agatha and Christie from long ago to help him corner a rat in the kitchen. The rat jumped right up and bit Agatha on the nose. Maybe you should just stick to stalking little dogs.

And stay away from those cane toads.

Kenzo said...

Awesome advise! I keep falling of my chair everytime I read this blog :)

georgia little pea said...

@ ms pamela - I'm going to keep your comment in A Safe Place for the next time my humans tell me to catch a rat. I KNEW they were bad news. I just knew it! NO cane toads for sure. I hope Agatha didn't catch any awful diseases like the bubonic plague.

I will take your advice and stick to LittleDogs though many of them are now my friends and no longer so good at being Helpless Prey :p

@ kenzo - please put a fat cushion on the floor. I wouldn't want you to hurt yourself.

Trixie, Lily, and Sammy-Joe said...

Good tips on hunting!!! Our Mama can't stand killing things either. In fact just the other day the doggies among us hunted down a junebug that was somehow in the house... and you know what Mama did? She took it AWAY from us and put it up high, hoping it would warm up and fly away! So, we're just going to have a junebug flying around all winter long??????

georgia little pea said...

Dear T, L & SJ,

I understand completely. My humans take out the spiders who come to visit the house. After a few days, they come back in. You have to be very careful when you sit on the potty here. I don't know what a junebug is. Why is it flying around in February?

ceekay said...

Very nice, Georgia ... I like your style, but the family could starve to death waiting for you to bring home the bacon. Maybe you should consider re-training to become a truffle hunting dog instead lovey.

sonia a. mascaro said...

Amazing post, Georgia! Funny text and good photos! Sounds all of you had a great time! Flora would love to be part of the team...

PS: I love the frogmouths too and I think the Egyptian Nightjar nesting in the sand is just amazing!
I missed you too!
Big (((hugs)))

georgia little pea said...

@ceekay- I can tell you where the truffles are hiding...they're in a place called Deli :). Ever heard of it?

@Sonia - yes, the nightjar was amazing too! Welcome home!

Jean said...

Dear Georgia Little Pea
I once caught a mouse. Well, the cat and I collaborated and caught it. She chased it onto the top of the washer, then swatted it down to me, and I did a giant belly flop on top of it. Then my human reached under my belly, grabbed it and took it outside to the field. She thought we was pretty clever. Especially as I'm a herding dog, not a hunting dog. Maybe ya could do a post on how to be a herding dog, cuz I've never quite got the hang of that.
Luv, Charley the border collie cross

georgia little pea said...

Hello Charley the border collie X -

Thanks for dropping by :)

What a story! What Team Work! That's what I'm talking about. Your cat sounds Fierce, you sound Brave, and your human sounds Kind (like My Cushion). Did the mouse find its way back home?

I'm quite good at herding too. I do it every day at breakfast and dinner time. One look from me and My Typist is a baa lamb.

Have great day! :)

BERMTOPIA said...

I am glad for the clarification re: pigdogs. It DID have me wondering -- SINCERE apologies about the earlier inquiry about the extraordinary largeness of your snout in earlier photos.

I get it now. Based on photos from your hunting post, all parts of the anatomy seem to be in order and in proportion.

Thankfully there are no boars in my 'hood. Just squirrels. I herd them. Relentlessly.

The cheeky (literally) little b-stards think they own the park.

Hah!

Ben

georgia little pea said...

You called my nose a snout AGAIN. Was it a slip of some kind, Mr Ben? Freudian perhaps? *sigh*

chandra said...

GLP, if you don't know what a pig looks like yet, don't look at the photos on the hunting pig dog site ... oh, first it's maggots, then it's bloody boars ... how am I supposed to go to sleep now?! I've got to get back on my morning reading schedule, your posts seemed so much more ladylike then! Ha!

c at ddy.

georgia little pea said...

oh ms chandra! i'm SO SORRY. i'm not allowed to look at the b.o.a.r pictures in case they upset me.

i hope you have some nice hot chocolate and marshmallows at home. i hear they're quite good for putting humans to sleep.

good night! :) xox